Bone China Vase
Wednesday, January 8th, 2003A look at what is currently available on eBay
 ROYAL DOULTON BONE CHINA 7" VASE GOLD TRIM US $5.99 
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 ROYAL WORCESTER FINE BONE CHINA mini VASE ENGLAND US $24.99
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 Wedgwood Contrasts Bone China VASE made in England US $85.99
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What are your reflections on my poem?
I want brutal honesty. Tear this poem down to the bone. Here it is:
"Forlorn echoes from the passed"
old yellow god
the sad idol
an emblem of man's massive ambition
on his throne of sorrow and sand.
he prays for death
amidst the sound of windchimes
amidst dust and foregone conclusions.
like a vase of dynastic China
shrine: beheld by no mortals
light from nightmares passes through the vale.
sad clouds crawl across the sky.
Your poem is epigrammatic and haiku-like, but not obscure as I read it. You proceed by painting images of a world of hollow desolation and spiritual vacuity and hopelessness. It seems to me that the third line of your second stanza moves away from this poem's effective use of concrete imagery to convey tone; in particular, 'and foregone conclusions' seems to me to add nothing and to be a distraction and I would dump it or replace it with other concrete images that 'speak.' The problem of course with the epigrammatic style is that it presumes that your reader works within the same semantic universe you do. That is a pretty big assumption! In the absence of codified rhetorical structure, the mind is prone to drawing its own (often incorrect) conclusions. However, your diction is otherwise appropriate and this shows quite a lot of promise. All in all, a good read.
Can I count on you to reciprocate?:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjeoryUV8CWSyn2sTcYfiVTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100316101537AAuc81b
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